The Reason Why I Do What I Do Not Want to Do

This week I have had something constantly coming to my attention.  It is something I have known that has been going on for a very long time.  It is also something that I keep telling myself is just an issue because my dad has always had a problem with it, too.  It is something that I tell myself all the time is just something I, and those around me have to deal with.  It isn’t something that is my fault, I tell myself.  But the truth is…it is something completely within my control with the help and grace of God. 

I have some serious anger issues.

I don’t scream and cuss people out or threaten to beat people up or anything.  It isn’t anything that really manifests itself in a way that people can see.  The only exception is that my wife sees it manifest often (and I am deeply sorry about that).  But it manifests itself within me.   Underneath the surface I feel like I am this raging sea of anger and frustration.  My thoughts really shouldn’t be heard by anyone because they are not suitable for public speech.  I feel so embarrassed and upset to share this but it is something that the Spirit has really been impressing on me since this past Sunday.  I don’t think there was ever any message or sermon or song or anything of the sort that opened up my eyes.  In fact, I am not even sure when I first noticed it.  I just remember thinking one day, “Wow.  Why am I so angry?”

I am human.  I am going to make stupid decisions and horrible choices.  But that isn’t really an excuse, is it?  Don’t we just use that as a way of covering up our sin? “Well, I’m only human.  Other people probably do the same thing I do, yeah?”  I have looked through Scripture and I can’t find anywhere where it says, “Someone worse than you is doing it, too, so don’t worry about it.”  I can’t even find anywhere in Scripture where it says, “Just say, ‘I’m sorry, Lord,’ and then it won’t matter that you are sinning and keep sinning.”  But…that is exactly what I think I do!  I don’t know where I got that idea.  I don’t know if I am just thick-headed and I just keep doing what I want to do or if I truly believe that I can just ask for forgiveness but keep on doing what I do.  Actually, no, it definitely isn’t the second option.  I’m just thick.

Paul puts it eloquently in Romans 7:14-24 (NLT) “So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good.  The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do what I hate.  But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.  So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.  And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  I want to do what is right, but I can’t.  I want to do what is good, but I don’t.  I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.  But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.  I have discovered this principle in life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.  I love God’s law with all my heart.  But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind.  This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.  Oh, what a miserable person I am!  Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?”  Please note: all markings are my own.

(Let me add briefly here that anger issues aren’t the only problem that I have.  There are many, many things that I could look at in reference to this post and verse.  This is just the poison most afflicting me in my life right now.)

So, what is Paul saying?  Well, firstly, he seems to make the same excuse that I do!  “I am all too human,” and then Paul clarifies by stating that he doesn’t really understand himself (I don’t understand myself either).  But he goes further by making the claim that if I know that I am doing something wrong, then I must be in agreement that the opposite of the wrong (which would be the law he is referring to) is good.  Okay, cool.  So I really am still trying to follow God since I recognize my sin for what it is!  He goes on to say that, if this is the case, then I am not really doing wrong…it is the sin within me that is doing the wrong!  Woooooo! A way out!  It was never my fault at all! Call me Ponyboy because I am golden!...Okay…I have to admit…I don’t buy that.  Not. One. Bit.  And I do not believe Paul is saying that either.  His next statement is interesting, “I want to do what is right, but I can’t.  I want to do what is good, but I don’t.”  There is a distinction there.  If I want to do what is right but cannot, then it stands to reason that there is something that is not allowing for me to do what is right.  Then, if I want to do what is good but do not, then that is my explicit choice to not do the thing which is good.  Paul seems to be saying here that while there is definitely a sin issue in which we are prevented from truly doing what is right but there is still the option for us to do good despite that, and so often I choose not to do what is good.  I have struggled with this passage as simply being a cover up of, “Oh, sin made me do it!  I didn’t want to!  It was all sin’s fault!”  But recently, as I have reflected on this passage, I find that it says more about our choice to NOT do good than it is about sin FORCING us to do wrong.  Because, just as Paul says, whenever I want to do what is right, I am just incapable of doing it.  I choose to do wrong, even though I love God with all my heart.  Paul hits the nail on the head when he says there is something at war within me.  That thing is definitely sin.  It is my human desire to do what I want to do despite the fact that I know better.  It is my human response to do what I know is wrong even though I love God and want to do what is right.  It is sin that stops me in my tracks from doing what is right and points me towards doing wrong.  But it is still, every single time, my choice to not do what is good.  It just may not be my choice every time to do what is truly right…I hope that makes sense.  I think there is a small distinction in what Paul is saying that is easy to miss but it is crucial so that we understand that Paul isn’t just trying to give us an out.  It is so much more than just giving us an out.

Well, this passage kind of leaves us in a dark place.  We do what is wrong, can’t do what is right.  Sin has us completely tangled up.  It isn’t entirely our fault.  But it is still our fault in the end, at least in part.  If only Paul had left us something hopeful to leave on…Oh, wait! Silly me!  Romans 7:25 (NLT), “Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.  So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!  We have Jesus Christ!  The one person who can offer grace and forgiveness for our sins despite of our sinful nature that makes us a slave to sin!  I really, really want to obey God, but I can’t…apart from Christ.  That is Paul’s final message in this passage: there is hope…and that hope is in Jesus Christ to empower us to do what is good and forgive us when we do what is wrong.

I really struggle with angry thoughts.  When I am driving it is like a foul-mouthed, crotchety, cynical man is just fuming beneath the surface.  It stems from my sinful nature but I still have the choice to at least do what is good and focus on Christ and calm the man inside down.  Give him some soothing tea with honey and lemon, some cookies, and a soft couch.  You know, relaxing-type of stuff.  Instead, my confession is that, more often than not, I pepper spray the guy right in the face just to get him riled up even more!  Rather than try to put out the fire, I feed it kindling.  I confess my sin here and now.  I want to do what is right, but I cannot.  I want to do what is good, but I choose not to.  BUT, “Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!”  I pray that Christ will forgive me of my sins as I have confessed them and that He will empower me to do what is right and to choose to do good.  I pray that these words are not mine, but the Spirit in me. 

Thank you all for reading!

Encouragement and Affirmation

There are times in my life that I get so frustrated with how bad things are going and other days where I could simply leap for joy.  Typical life stuff, ya know?  However, I have to say that I have been having some great experiences as of late.  I was able to preach to youth, had a great conversation with a student, I was able to engage in an open conversation with someone from another religion and learn from them (as they hopefully learned a little from me), and I was able to enjoy coffee with a friend and mentor.  All in all, a pretty good week!  I have also been working on a small lesson for the local youth group about Galatians 2.  I don’t have much to say about that chapter nor do I want to copy and paste it all here since, if you are reading this, can look it up on the internet that you are now on. 

That’s right.  I’m on to you.  Don’t be lazy.  Use that google search bar at the top of your screen!

I do want to say that I noticed in Galatians 2 that there are several themes to pull out but one that really hit me this week is that the chapter seems to have a lot to do with encouragement.  At least, that is what I have noticed.  After Paul has been teaching and preaching all over the place he comes to Jerusalem to tell the leaders there about all that he has been teaching the Gentiles.  What do they do?  They encourage and affirm him!  On top of that, they didn’t even have anything negative to say or anything to critique him on.  They thought he was doing a rather bang up job, in fact!  Despite their differences in teaching/preaching styles, audiences, and probably even their resources, they just wanted to affirm Paul and his friends!  Then, as if they simply had to give them some kind of advice, Peter, James, and John remind them to help the poor (which they were already doing), just as a reminder.

Why is it so difficult for us as Christians to offer encouragement despite differences?  Too often it seems that we, and I am definitely included in this, just nit-pick at our pastors, preachers, and teachers.  Then, in the last half of the chapter, Peter really goofs up.  Just in time to temper the beginning of the chapter involving encouragement, Paul offers some reproof for Peter when he really flubs up.  It is vitally important to offer encouragement as often as possible but it is also vitally important to correct someone when they are clearly in the wrong. 

Simply, as a default, we should offer encouragement and affirmation.  Then, as needed, the apostles instruct us to gently correct someone who is in the wrong. 

Although, please realize that just because someone believes differently then you doesn’t mean they are necessarily wrong.  Peter, in this instance, was not showing love to others (one of Jesus’ two most important commandments) and so he was shown the error of his way and he corrected his actions.  Now, if it had been about Peter believing that Christ would come back on a Tuesday while Paul believed he would come back on a Thursday, then that would be an issue of difference in belief but not one that necessarily needs corrected.  I hope that makes sense =)

Just a brief thought on this week.  A special thank you to those who have encouraged me, affirmed me, and occasionally corrected me!

Always Seeking Truth,

Dylan

What is the deal with Simon Peter, son of John???

This morning I had the privilege to speak to the youth at the church that I volunteer at.  Below is the revised manuscript for this format which I wrote for that opportunity (which is the first time I have actually written and used a manuscript and I did veer from it on more than a few occasions).  It was a great practice and I really worked hard on and prayed through for this message and I hope it was a benefit to at least one person.  This was my main focus for the week and so I was not able to blog but I want to post this here in lieu of my regular blog.  Thank you for reading =) 

Always Seeking the Truth,

Dylan

John 21:15-17

As I prepared for today the youth pastor encouraged me to share a bit of my story or a bit about myself.  Do you have any idea how broad that is??  There are literally so many things that I could talk about and only 10% of them are probably worth saying here.  However, I took the challenge.  The first thing I want to say is this:  I’m awkward…

…I am terrible at meetings people and at starting conversations.  I don’t know how to make small talk.  It just comes out all awkward and just kind of stumbles out of my mouth.  Now, I love having deep conversations with people.  If you wanted to talk to me about theology, or share about a struggle, or just vent about how much life sucks, then I would be all about it, whether I knew you or not.  It’s just how I’m wired.  But, please, please, please do not talk to me about the weather or some other form of small talk.  I’m also more than a bit nerdy. I love Doctor Who and have had many conversations about it and “what if” debates.  I am proud to admit that I have a T.A.R.D.I.S. mug and my own personal sonic screwdriver.  I’m also a big superhero nerd and I love everything about the Marvel Universe.  I also love theology and studying the Bible.  I love Biblical Greek.  I studied a lot of it in college and I still study it now.  I have even had the privilege to be able to translate whole letters of the New Testament thanks to the help of the professors at MVNU.

            But can I tell y’all something?  Can I just be honest for a second?  I’m just a regular dude.  Sometimes I can be a really not-nice person.  I can have some serious road rage.  I struggle with exaggerating the truth or not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes, I really do think that I know it all.  Sometimes I take advantage of people.  I fight with family and friends.  I can be really, really selfish. 

            I say all of this because I think it can be easy to look at Christianity or at other Christians and get caught up with this idea that we have to be perfect or at least be perfect on the outside.  I will be the first one to tell you that I am far, far away from being perfect or good or whatever word you want to use here. 

            The youth pastor told me that the youth group had been taking a look at the story where Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him.  This is such a great story and one that I find especially interesting.  I want to work through this short passage in John 21 today, verses 15-17.

            Let me start with a question: have any of you ever felt so much love that you were just almost in tears?  I have.  Isn’t it beautiful?  Because this is how I feel when I see pictures or videos of puppies…this is how I feel about some of my best friends…this is how I feel about my wife…BUT these aren’t all the same kinds of love!  We say love but we mean different kinds of love.  I love tacos and I love my parents. Let me clarify here that I love my wife WAY more than I love puppies or tacos.

            So I mentioned earlier that I love Greek.  Just like with any two languages, Greek and English have different ways of expressing similar thoughts, ideas, or words.  In English, there is one word for love but in Greek there are at least four commonly used words for love.  [Please note that rather than use Greek characters or attempt to be scholarly or fancy I am simply going to write the words out in English characters phonetically and use them as if they were regular English words.  This should help for them to be easy to read and shouldn't interrupt the flow of the writing/reading] These words are agape, phile, storge, and eros.  For example, storge means loves for family but eros means romantic or sexual love.  But today we are going to focus on agape and phile.

            But first let’s give some background for John 21:15-17. .

            The disciples left everything behind when a Rabbi, which means teacher, strides up to them and tells them, “follow me.”  From that point everything changed.  It was a huge honor for a Jew to be able to study under and learn from a Rabbi.  Such an honor, in fact, that they followed this Rabbi, whose name was Jesus, for years with no home or promise of basic necessities from day to day.  Then, they truly started to believe that their teacher, Jesus, was the promised Messiah, the savior God promised to the Jews.  Then, in a whirlwind of activity, he was taken away from them.  He was arrested, beaten, stood on public trial, was ridiculed in front of crowds of people, forced to carry his own cross to where he was would die, and was put to death by the most horrible means known at the time, crucifixion.  But then something amazing happened…he came back!  He came back from death and appeared to the disciples.  He came to them twice and then didn’t appear for quite some time.  Peter, one of the most well-known of the disciples who was the most rowdy and curious, since he was raised as a fisherman before following Jesus says to the others, “I’m going fishing.”  And they go with him.  They spend all night fishing without so much as a tug on the line.  Then, from the shore they hear a voice calling to them telling them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat.  Many of them were experienced fishermen who had spent all night fishing and were probably tired and frustrated but for some reason they decide to try it.  And wow did it work!  There were so many fish that they couldn’t haul them all in! 

            Then the disciples begin to realize that the voice is the voice of Jesus.  Peter, being the downright fool that he is, is so eager to meet Jesus that he dives into the water right then and swims to shore to meet Jesus.  Eventually, the others bring the boat in and they begin to cook the biggest, best breakfasts ever.  While they are finishing up their breakfast Jesus leans over to Peter and whispers, “Hey, Peter.  Can I ask you something?”

            This is where we jump in to John 21:15-17.

            John 21:15a – “After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’”  By the way, Peter’s name is Simon and his dad’s name was John.  No secrets here, sorry.  But Jesus is asking Peter here if he agape’s him.  Agape is the word that means love but means, “to love, value, to be devoted to, to love deeply and truly.”  And how Peter replies is interesting…

            John 21:15b – “’Yes, Lord,’ Peter replied, ‘you know I love you.’ ‘Then feed my lambs.’ Jesus told him.”  Peter replies to Jesus that he phile’s Jesus.  This word, phile, means “to be fond of, to have affection for, and denotes common interests and friendship.”  To grasp an understanding of phile think of Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love!  This word is used to express friendship.

            Jesus is asking, “Do you love me deeply and will you remain devoted to me, even more than these around you?” And Peter responds with, “You know that I love you as a friend.”

Then, in verse 16, the same pattern is repeated.  John 21:16 – “Jesus repeated the question, ’Simon son of John, do you love me?’  ‘Yes, Lord,’ Peter said, ‘you know I love you.’  ‘Then take care of my sheep.’ Jesus said.”  Jesus is again asking, “Do you love me deeply,” and Peter says, “You know I love you as a friend.”

Then, we read verse 17 John 21:17 – “A third time he asked him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’  Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time.  He said, ‘Lord, you know everything.  You know that I love you.’  Jesus said, ‘Then feed my sheep.’”  This last time Jesus switches words.  He says to Peter, “Do you love me, are you my friend?”  And Peter answers with hurt in his voice, “You know everything.  You know that I am your friend.”

The question is why does Jesus ask these questions?  Why does he use agape twice and phile the last time?  And why does Peter only respond with phile love instead of agape love?  Am I the only one with these questions?  Are any of you wondering the same thing?...Well, I think, and I do not pretend to know for sure, but I think that Peter is simply expressing his humanity.  Jesus is asking in verse 15, “Do you deeply love me and will you remain devoted to me more than anyone else?”  And Peter desperately wants to say yes.  But he knows that he has struggles and that he is selfish and that not even a week ago (I am making up the time frame here) he denied that he knew Jesus or even who he was and so he tells Jesus the truth, “You know that I cherish and love you,” and I think he is implying something here, “but I am not perfect in my love for you compared to others.”  So Jesus asks again, “Peter, do you deeply love and will you remain devoted to me?” And Peter, a little hurt, repeats himself, “You know that I love and cherish you…but I am not perfect in my love for you.”  Finally, Jesus recognizes where Peter is coming from, looks him in the eye and says, “Peter, do you love me as your friend?  Are you my friend?”  Peter, slightly devastated, replies, “You know everything.  You know that I love and cherish you as my friend.”

Jesus knows where we are at.  I know that Jesus knew that Peter was going to struggle to say that he loved Him with agape love, especially when compared to others.  So Jesus takes others out of the picture and focuses on Peter but knows that Peter is still crushed by his faults, failures, and insecurities.  Jesus removes the barriers of perfection, this Christian front we put up, that is caught up with the idea of agape love, gets on Peter’s level, and asks Peter if he is truly his friend.  This is where Peter is hurt so badly.  I need to say here that phile love is powerful.  John 5:20a says, “For the Father loves the Son…” and the word used for love here is phile.  God is said to phile love Jesus.  Powerful love.  This is the love that Peter owns up to, with pain and hurt in his heart, because despite his struggles and failures he does phile love Jesus and now Jesus is offering this love in response.

Jesus does not try to build himself up.  He does not want Peter to say how much he loves him just to make himself feel better.  When Jesus is asking if Peter loves him it is because Jesus is offering this love first.  Scripture tells us that he first loved us.  So when Jesus asks about our love it is only because he has extended this love first.  The love Jesus is offering this third time to Peter is not love that has been cheapened or lessened.  He is extending love despite the fact that Peter does not deserve it and does not feel that he deserves it.  He is extending love even though we cannot possibly reciprocate this agape love back to him.  We are Peter.  Jesus is offering us agape love but we cannot give it back.  So Jesus, who is God, and God is love, does not take away but adds more depth to the love that he offers in order that we might respond.  I do not think that Peter is so hurt because he has been asked three times.  He is so hurt and grieved because he is overwhelmed with the offering of love even though he does not deserve it nor does he feel that he does deserve it.

How many of us feel that we have fallen short of God’s love?  Unfortunately, I have to tell you that we all have.  Not a single one of us deserve God’s love.  But His love is offered to us anyway.  It is offered to us with such depth that even though we cannot be perfect in our love we can love God back.  How many have of us have felt that because of our failures, faults, and insecurities that we do not deserve to be loved by God?

Peter, one of the original disciples felt that he could not possibly love Jesus enough and that he did not feel that he deserved to be loved by Jesus.  You are not alone.  Now as we wrap up and leave.  Please go knowing that you are so deeply and irrevocably loved by a love that cannot be taken away and will always be offered to you by Jesus.  It is only up to you to accept this love in response. 

Where Do We Go From Here? Part Two

I decided to continue my thoughts and study from my post last week.  For this part I am predominantly dealing with the Gospel according to John.  (All passages are from the New Living Translation)

John 21:1-3 - "Later, Jesus appeared again to the disciples beside the Sea of Galilee. This is how it happened. Several of the disciples were there—Simon Peter, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples. Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.”  “We’ll come, too,” they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night."

Here we find the disciples after Jesus appeared to them.  They were left wondering what to do next and their natural reaction was to stay together until Jesus showed up.  Now, Jesus has appeared and left them again.  And what do they decide to do?  Go fishing.  Go back to doing the work that was originally put before them prior to Jesus' call to be a disciple.  What do we do when we are lost and have no direction?  Where do we go?  I would like to say that the disciples modeled for us that we go back to doing the work put before us.  For some of us this is business, art, parenting, ministry, or anything else.  Jesus equips and empowers us and then has us go back to doing the work placed in front of us.  

Then, in the next verses, we see this:

John 21:4-6 "At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach, but the disciples couldn’t see who he was. He called out, “Fellows, have you caught any fish?”  “No,” they replied.  Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get some!” So they did, and they couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it."

They didn't know who the guy on the beach was...but they listened to him.  They have been fishing all night long and have found nothing and some random person tells them to try something different at dawn the next morning...and they listen to him!  Why?  But then I remember a similar story in the New Testament.  In Luke's gospel almost this same exact story happens before the disciples are called to follow Jesus.  Maybe the reason they listened this time is because they remembered another time in which a man called to them from a beach.  That was the time they first met Jesus.  There is something like a full circle here that is interesting to just take notice of.  Maybe this is the disciples' way of learning to listen.  Learning to wait on Christ.  Maybe they were setting themselves up for this same scenario?  What if Peter remembered that time he first met Jesus on the beach of the Sea of Galilee and was wanting to remember that moment.  Maybe he was just doing what came naturally by going back to his work and that's all it was.  I just like to imagine that Peter had some secret intuition that we can't read into the story.

Jump forward to verse 7...
John 21:7-9 - "Then the disciple Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and headed to shore. The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only about a hundred yards from shore. When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them—fish cooking over a charcoal fire, and some bread."

Peter.  My dude.  Where do we go from here?  We literally go to Jesus as fast as we can no matter the cost!!!  Peter is modeling one of the most important things for us to do when we have lost our way.  Peter sees this miracle, hears that it is Jesus, and just abandons the work set before him (for a time, because he does go back I want to say right now).  Peter knows the vital importance of running to Jesus.  This is the first step, in my opinion, of Peter's model of Sabbath.  Though there is work to be done, we must always run to Jesus for a time.  Fast forward to verses 10-11 "Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught,” Jesus said. So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn’t torn."  Here we see the next step of Peter's model of discipleship, running to Jesus, but after sitting with Jesus for a time, we go back to the work with a renewed vigor.  But Peter is also continuing the model of how to cope when we are lost or confused or trying to figure out our next step.  We stick together, we resume life, we work, we run to Jesus, and when we have recharged, we go back to work.

The next set of verses have a huge amount of significance...but they do not need to be fleshed out as I would like here right now.  So I will save verses 12-17 for another time and just mention that this is where Peter is asked three times by Jesus if Peter loves Him.  Each time when Peter affirms his love for Jesus he calls for Peter to take care of his sheep.  This is of importance with modeling where we go because after being recharged with Jesus and going back to the work, we take the time to take care of each other and take care of Christ's sheep.  (Here I would like to make a small push for my personal beliefs and say that I do not believe that the sheep Jesus was referring to only included other believers.  I believe that this is a far more inclusive symbol.)  

Now, John 21:18-23 - "I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”  Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”
Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” So the rumor spread among the community of believers that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that isn’t what Jesus said at all. He only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”  

This first part seems a little odd and, again, there is much that could be discussed or talked about...but let's focus on verses 21-23.  Jesus is reminding Peter that he does not need to worry about others.  There is enough in life to worry about.  Rather, worry about the work that is before you and stay focused on Jesus and rejoice with others as they are blessed.  My favorite verse is Luke 12:25 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  (I actually am not 100% sure which translation I memorized this from.  I think the NIV but I could be wrong.)  Jesus is more worried about living Him and loving others than us being worried about the blessings bestowed upon others.

John 21:24-25 - "This disciple is the one who testifies to these events and has recorded them here. And we know that his account of these things is accurate.  Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written."

Now, this is where I want to end.  You might think it is weird to include this verse as important to answering the question: Where do we go from here?  But I think it is of the utmost importance.  When the disciples were left abandoned, alone, confused, frustrated, and lost they stuck together, ate, waited, went back to the work before them, ran to Jesus (even leaving the work behind for a time), come back rested and renewed in Christ, we take care of others, we persist in our work and in Christ without worrying unnecessarily about others good fortune, and then...here it is...we PGFWABF.  This is a little thing I came up with in college when I became fascinated with the Doxology.  (Give a listen to the band My Epic's version of the Doxology by the way!)  It simply stands for Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow.  That is what the author is saying here with these last two verses.  There is SO much that could be written but all the books in the world could not contain the wonderful and awesome things that God has done!!!  In all things we PGFWABF!  That is what we do when we have lost our way from the path.  Through all of the processes the disciples model for us after losing their way following the death of Jesus there is a theme of praising God and His absolutely amazing and stunning work done in our world.  Even that which we cannot see.

Thank you so so much for reading.  I truly hope that these most recent posts have meant something to at least some that read this.  Forgive me if my thoughts have seemed wandering and at times not entirely clear.  I am always open for questions.  As usual,

Always Seeking the Truth,

Dylan