The Obligatory Blog About The Current Holiday - Thanksgiving

I have waffled back and forth on whether or not I should bother writing this blog.  But...what the heck...here is the obligatory holiday blog...

As I am sitting down to write this blog I am about to leave to go to the Miller side of my family for a Thanksgiving dinner.  All morning I have been baking cookies just for the occasion and this whole week I have been pondering what all I have for which I should be thankful.  Thanks to Lifetime movies and most tv shows at this time of year, the idea of sitting at the table and going around and sharing what I am thankful for has been on my mind.  And I find it to be a terrifying thought.  All that being said, I feel as if I have very little to share that hasn't already been said by someone older, smarter, and/or greater than me.

However, thank God for the crap in my life.  There has been so much good in my life and it is very easy to count those blessings.  When it comes to this time of year and Thanksgiving begins to creep up on me I tend to turn dark and melancholy.  What do I have to be thankful for?  Look at all this bad stuff that has been happening to me.  And then, something wonderful happens, I start noticing how one bad thing has eventually led to something good or has had some positive side effect even though it may not have been ideal.  We can look in Scripture at how bad situations have turned around or how they have turned out to be a part of a greater plan that God has been in the process of orchestrating.  A bit of insight into my theology: I do not believe that God makes all things work together for our good.  I believe that God makes all things work together for the good of all creation.  Sometimes, that does not mean that we will experience sunshine and roses at most points in our lives.  Sometimes that means that God is deeply involved in our lives, suffering along with us, encouraging us, talking to us, but that there are times when God simply will not alter a situation because it is of our own choosing BUT that God can and will work that event into a means of good (perhaps even a means of grace???) for creation.  So, for this reason, thank God for all the crap in my life.  Maybe someday it will open up the opportunity to empathize with someone or allow for the chance to share my testimony and the gospel with someone.  Maybe this stuff that just isn't working out for me is because something else down the road is going to work out even better and be just where God wants me.  Maybe I have missed out on a great opportunity that God has placed in front of me but I know that God will fill that opportunity in another way.  I could go on and on but I think I will stop here because I have said all that I feel led to say in this brief holiday rant/rave/whatever.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!  (Even the ones we don't recognize as blessings)

Continually seeking the truth,

Dylan

Okay...

...I am realizing that I can be a huge jerk sometimes...and maybe that is okay (not OK okay but okay okay...am I making any sense?)...

What I am trying to say is that there is some kind of compulsion in Christianity to be perfect. To put on a good face and to grin and push through whatever it is. I think most people that know me would say that I am a pretty easy-going person and that I take a lot in stride. I have been known by the name Chill Dyl in my life, and I like to think that I'm pretty proud for being known for that! And while being chill is oftentimes a personality thing and maybe not so much a religious thing, there is an aspect in American Christianity where we have to hide our emotions. We have to feel good all the time. Being sad is looked down upon. Being depressed is a shameful thing. Being angry is sinful. But I want to call us on our lies. I have a friend who has suffered from depression and while we were at school together he and I had many conversations together, tears were shed, hurt was shared, but sometimes it got too much for me. I will be brutally honest at my own expense: there were times when I told him he was wrong for feeling the way he did and that he should be happy and sometimes I avoided dealing with him on my off days because I knew I was going to be a little harsh or mean. I regret nothing in life because what has happened can't be changed, only the present can be changed. That being said, I truly do wish I had been more understanding and patient with him.

In Scripture, some of the most beautiful words are from the mouth of Job as he tells of his suffering and how God wasn't doing as good a job as he thought God should and how death would be better than living his life. Also, in Lamentations we see the outpouring heart of a man who is so upset for his people and is in anguish and is just letting his heart bleed out to God. And in then Psalms we see various Psalmists crying out in much the same way! Yet, for some reason, here I am trying to hide my pain from God and from others and simultaneously continuing this cycle to my friend suffering with depression with a heart torn open by the pain in his life. Why do we do this? Jesus never, not once, said we should be happy. But I have been taught otherwise. And I have taught otherwise...my challenge is this: read through Lamentations or Job or the Psalms or the final words that left Christ's lips before he died and, just for a moment, put yourself in that mindset and truly feel, just for a moment, the pain. But, notice how these always end with Love. They end with God loving His creation despite their cries against Him. They end with the Scriptures telling us how, in the end, loving God and knowing His love for us through it all is what matters.

I am realizing that sometimes I can be a jerk. And I am also realizing that I am human and that, whether I like it or not, I get upset and angry and sad and frustrated. Sometimes, I will react to those feelings in ways that are less than loving. And sometimes, only sometimes, that is okay. Because we are going to have these feelings and they will occasionally cause a reaction in us. We must always repent if these reactions create sin in us or in others. But we have to recognize that God doesn't want us to be happy all the time. He knows we won't be. But He knows that He will always be there for us. And in the end, we must love Him and find comfort in knowing that He loves us.

*I want to add a side note here because there is one last thing that I feel I need to say with this. I struggle with finding the balance with what I mentioned earlier...is it okay to just express our emotions at all times? Should we bottle up on occasion? Are there times when we must seek joy despite our circumstances instead of feeling in the moment. I read an article the other day and shared it with my wife. Afterwards, she did her thing and read even more about the subject and it ended up being about the death of a husband who left behind a widow with 2 very small children. And in that, the widow who wrote the article mentions how she can't allow herself to feel all the emotions of reliving the day her husband died. She couldn't allow herself to live in that every day. I find that to be extremely healthy. But, at the same time, is it better for her to express those feelings and emotions to God? I truly struggle with this balance for people in these situations or for people that suffer in depression. I willingly admit that I don't have the answer. The best solution I have to this struggle is that each person must make their own decision on the balance of these. Maybe there are others that have a better answer than I.

What Good Can Come From Dungeon Siege?

I remember when I was growing up my dad would play these super awesome games on the computer. He would have people come o er to the house and play the games with him online or through a direct link. They played games like Age of Empires and Baldur's Gate and Dungeon Siege. I would watch them play these games and I was absolutely fascinated by them. I loved that the mechanics were simple enough that I could learn to play but there was a certain style and finesse required to actually be good at them. I loved watching my dad play with swarms and armies of creatures and people closing in around his character and him fighting them off with his friends nearby helping him out.

Fast forward to the present and I am still fascinated by these games. Call them hack'n'slash or dungeon crawlers or RPGs or what have you, but they are some of my all time favorite games to play. One of my favorite oldie games is Dungeon Siege: Legends of Aranna. Sadly, I lost the disc years ago and I when I downloaded it, it was not compatible with my laptop and so for now that game is put to rest. Most recently, however, I have picked back up Dungeon Siege 2. Let me tell you, the graphics aren't that great compared to new games and the storyline is lacking but, man, I love playing that game.

Some people love video games and some people hate them. I am not going to advocate for abusing video games or saying that they are bad or evil. I am most certainly not going to make any statements about whether or not video games are good or bad for kids or teenagers or even adults. All I want to do is explain why I am intrigued by video games and why I enjoy them...

...I am a dreamer. As I said before I grew up with certain video games via my dad or playing them myself. The biggest fascination for me isn't in winning the games or becoming the most powerful or best player. I love challenging myself and I love creating a character, a person. When I play games like Dungeon Siege 2 or Elder Scrolls or even Pokémon I try and make characters with personality that will or will not do certain things and has preferences and loves and hates and has opinions. On top of that I thoroughly enjoy making those characters have struggles and challenges such as only using certain types of weapons or attacks, which can make the game easier or more difficult. The attraction for me for video games (more specifically, with the games that I enjoy) is in practicing empathy, feeling with someone rather than feeling for someone (sympathy), and learning new and creative ways to solve problems. Maybe it sounds silly, but I know that video games like this have helped me develop into someone whose dominant strength is empathy and who is able to come up with solutions to problems in creative ways. It may not have been the entire reason and perhaps these traits were prominent for me before but they definitely developed these further.

All of this being said is because I recently watched an episode of a TV show that brought up some good points about video games being bad and being good...but they never came up with any kind of solution or answer for their problem! I am presenting my perspective to add to the ongoing conversation. I would also like to add that there are video games that I would refuse to play on principal and because of certain beliefs that I hold, just so someone doesn't hold me as hiding the truth or trying to cover up for anything.

Thanks for reading! I would be curious to hear others' perspectives as well!