Where Do We Go From Here?

This has been something that I feel the Spirit has been impressing upon me the past few days.  This could become something bigger than just one blog post, but, I will try not to get ahead of myself.  So bear with me as I work through whatever this is.

As of late, I have been constantly turning to the Gospel accounts because they share similarities but are so vastly different in their interpretations, purposes, and style.  As I have been studying through these accounts I keep coming to the arrest, trial, crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus the Christ.  I know, it isn't the season to look at the last days of Jesus' life but maybe my internal clock is just messed up or something.  However, as I am reading through these various accounts it is not Jesus that I am fascinated with; rather, I have had an interest in the disciples.  Let me give my reason why below:

As I have said in previous blogs and with many of you who may be reading this, the time from my spring semester of my senior year at college up until now has been a rough ride for me.  And it has been exceedingly confusing and frustrating.  And, honestly, rather hopeless at times.  I have been frustrated, lost, confused, filled with doubt, and I have been impatient.  These are all pretty universal feelings that all of us can say that we have experienced at one time or another.  It is real crap we deal with like this.  I do not know a single person that has gone through even one day without having to wrestle with at least one of these emotions/feelings.  For that reason, I think it is easy to say that I am at the point in my life where I am asking God over and over again: where do we go from here?  What am I supposed to be doing?  And I truly believe that the disciples were experiencing these emotions and maybe these questions after the events of Jesus’ arrest, trial, crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension.  This is the reason for my interest in their lives in the ultimate chapters of the Gospels and throughout the rest of the New Testament.

I will be referencing all of the Gospel accounts throughout this writing and I want to say that I love John’s account of this part of the narrative and so anytime I am referencing the story and not giving an account by name, it’s probably John.  First, though, let’s take a look at Luke’s account.  In Luke 22 Jesus is betrayed by Judas, one of his disciples, but Jesus knew all along that Judas was going to be the one to betray him and it was meant for Jesus to fulfill the prophecies written in the Old Testament considering his betrayal and death.  Jesus is taken away by Roman guards led by Judas and Luke tells us that Peter, the stubborn oaf of a disciple known for his confidence and utter loyalty to Jesus, is following them from a distance (22:54).  Whenever I read that I think to myself, “Why?  What is he hoping to accomplish by following from a distance?”  Let me also point out that just before Jesus’ arrest Peter tells him that he would follow him even to death.  Maybe he meant literally?  But I do not think so.  Then, in verse 55, it mentions that the guards build a fire outside and so Peter plops down with them.  Again, why?  These are the guards that just saw him with Jesus and then followed all the way to the city, and then he sits down around a fire with them.  Not a bright move really.  What on earth was he thinking?  This is also the part where Peter denies even knowing Jesus three times and after the third time is reminded that Jesus told him that he would do this.  When he remembers the words of Jesus about this denial he runs away, weeping. 

Each of the Gospel accounts tells this story of Peter.  In Matthew and Mark the authors make sure to mention that the disciples “deserted” Jesus immediately after his arrest, save for Peter of course.  Then, in John, there is a mention of “another disciple” going with Peter on his short stalking of Jesus and his captors (18:15).  Alas, that is where it ends for the disciples.  We know almost nothing about what they were doing or thinking throughout this part of the story except for this short excerpt about Peter and maybe one other disciple.  In fact, the next time we do hear of the disciples is at the foot of the cross after Jesus has died but they appear to take no part in the process of his burial.  They simply arrive at the cross at the very end.  Why?  And where does Peter run to while he is weeping?  Where is home for him now?  Or the other disciples for that matter?

I tell all this to make sure that the setting is understood because my point is coming up! I think that there is no mention of the disciples because it should be obvious: they are all freaking out.  They have spent the last three years (roughly) of their lives going from place to place with this man named Jesus of Nazareth (because there were a lot of people named Jesus running around in the area) and learning more and more about God and faith and love from every word coming from his mouth.  They were sustained, spiritually, by a direct source to the Living Water that promises eternal life.  Can you even imagine!?  Then, in just a few moments, that man is ripped away from them.  Then not a few minutes later, the second in command, Peter, runs off after him!  They are beyond lost, frustrated, confused, filled with doubt, and more than impatient with the circumstances.  I truly believe that the thought on each of their minds was, “Where do we go from here?”  For them they also meant physically where would they go because none of them actually had homes necessarily anymore since they gave everything up to follow Jesus.  And so…the disciples sit in silence until his death and burial.  Not knowing what to do.  Or where to go.

Now, the resurrection accounts are all different in each of the Gospel accounts.  They just are.  There are similarities, though:

Mary Magdalene finding the tomb empty

Mary running to find Simon Peter and the disciples

Peter running to and looking inside the tomb but finding just the empty grave cloths

The disciples meeting behind closed, locked doors in fear

Jesus suddenly appearing to them despite the locked door

That is where the similarities kind of end.  There is one other thing that is not noticeable if you don’t pay close attention.  Each of the Gospel accounts make mention of the fact that all of the disciples (and other believers, too!) were together and Mark says they were sharing a meal at the time Jesus appeared (16:14).  That is vitally important but so easily overlooked!  The disciples, when faced with the question, “Where do we go from here?” find the solution without even realizing it was a solution because it was so natural for them. 

The natural thing was to stay together.

Yep.  That’s what they did.  That’s all they know because that is what Jesus taught them.  When we are at a point in our lives where we are having to stare face-to-face with the question, “Where do we go from here?” the disciples model for us that we stay together.  We seek each other out.  When we are lost, when we doubt, when we are scared (sometimes even for our lives!), we cling to one another, we share meals and thoughts and feelings and life, we talk, we quarrel, we figure it out, and we wait for God to act.  We wait for Jesus to show up behind a locked door where we least expected him.

May each of you find some comfort in the reactions of the disciples in the narrative of the Gospels.  May each of you begin to unravel the answer to the question, “Where do we go from here?”  May each of you find those you need to cling to in order to offer such comfort as the disciples did in their darkest of times.  This is where the answer to that question begins to be fulfilled. 

Seeking the Truth,

Dylan