A Long Time Waiting...

It has been a very long time since I have actually updated anything on this blog. I have wanted to post and blog and share but whenever I would sit down to do it, nothing would happen or I would get distracted and do something else. I am not sure that I have much good to say...

I still want to seek truth with this blog. I still want to seek what is real and sure and good and true. But I am beginning to think that I am in need of opening that up to other avenues rather than theology and scripture. I am learning more and more, since being outside of college and a Christian community and part time jobs, that truth can be found in even more things than I ever thought. For this reason, I will try to blog about a lot of different things and some of them may be random, some may be nerdy, some may be cheesy, some may be about romance (with my amazing wife, of course!), and some might be about the mundane. No matter what, though, I want it to always be about what is true and real. And it has been a long time waiting for that realization. Now, for the content of this particular blog...

I studied Youth Ministry and I studied Biblical Languages and I invested in the spiritual lives and health of others (sometimes at the expense of my own). I volunteered at various things. I prayed long and hard. I listened a lot. I talked a lot. I never truly found the joy in my heart that I knew should be there. I love God and I love others. But I never loved myself and I still don't most days. I wasn't depressed and I wasn't necessarily unfortunate or even unhappy. But I was not content. I wanted and expected more out of life. I knew the right things and I did the right things. I truly think I even had strong faith in God. But, shoot, the results were not at all what I expected. I know, I know...the Lord sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous alike and good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I get it. I have often said that life is unfair and all we can do is be faithful throughout it all. But...did I believe the words I was saying? Do I believe it now? I don't know. Haha. I still do not know what I think and believe sometimes. My wife knows how often I struggle with doubt and disbelief and questioning God and Scripture. I am sincerely grateful for her bearing with me through these moments.

This is all to say that I am not out of the woods...but I see more rays of sunlight shining through than I have in times past. And that is a very good thing. I was talking to a very good friend of mine last night and I told him that I have found some joy and contentment in my life. And I realized that it was the first time in more than a while. (My senior year of college was a drag, let me tell ya) life hit me hard those 9 months. Don't get me wrong: I have been profoundly happy during the past year or so, but that is different from having joy and being content. I am not happy with where I am at career-wise but I am content. I have found joy with my life. I come home to a beautiful wife, a good apartment, from my good paying job in my functional car, and we get to eat out and rent movies and do some fun activities every now and then. I am blessed, even though I do not feel like it sometimes.

That realization has taken a long time to come to my attention.

Always seeking what is real and true,

Dylan